Go Back
by self-piercing
Summary: They both knew they could go back, not since that.


«WHY DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN WE FIGHT?!»

She screamed at the top of her lungs. The walls of Sakura's small apartment trapped the sound of her voice perfectly. Sakura moved her gaze to Ino's feet. It was typical of her, of them.

Ino was heaving at him point. Her chest moving like that of a bird, if Sakura had looked at her directly she would have seen it, but she could already tell by the sounds.

Did she feel guilty? Was she guilty? Sakura wasn't sure. She had felt it sting as she was doing it, but she wasn't sure if she felt guiltier having been caught.

They had never gotten over it. Never gotten over what Sakura had done. Ino had never gotten Sakura's trust back. They were now just running in circles. The relationship they once had was a ghost. They were haunted by what the once had and what they had wanted back.

Sakura could still remember the beginning. When it was all new and exciting. Sakura had missed that. Missed the butterflies that came with the first kisses. Missed the heat of the first intimate touches and the thrill of seeing a naked body for the first time.

That was something that Ino could not give her anymore. That was something they would never get back. No matter what they had tried. They weren't fresh in love anymore. Sakura couldn't seem to get the magic back. Nothing worked. They had become old news.

Now Ino would accuse her every time her gaze lingered for too long. When she bit her lips at someone. When she turned around to have a better look at someone.

Ino didn't trust her.

Sakura knew she had reason to. Her worries were real. Yet every time Sakura tried to end it Ino would refuse and beg her. Ino came with promises that she wouldn't be so jealous. That she would learn to forgive Sakura. Sakura feeling guilty because Ino was right would always agree and somehow, they would end up in a situation like this.

Today Ino had found two cups on Sakura's kitchen table.

Distrust

Correct

She hadn't found the used rubber in the trash. She didn't know where to look. Perhaps she did but didn't want to. Sakura having coffee with him was better than knowing he had given her an orgasm just an hour earlier.

Because she hadn't ended things with him even if they were caught. Ino said they would recover. They hadn't. Sakura was still fucking Sasuke like there was no Ino. Like there was no tomorrow.

If Ino knew, Sakura had no way of telling. Her gut was telling her yes, she was very aware but was still clinging on to the ghost their love was.

Everything felt different with Sasuke. They weren't allowed. They were a secret. It was dirty. It wasn't allowed. The sneaking around. It was the excitement Ino couldn't give her.

Ino was crying and Sakura was afraid she couldn't breathe. That she would pass out right there on her floor.

"I forgive you, but tell me… Did you sleep with him again?"

Ino placed her palm over her ever-beating heart and made a fist. She knew. All of Sakura's apartment smelled of sweat and sex. Ino knew very well. She didn't know what she preferred. Sakura lying or being honest.

Pictures of Sasuke's legs wrapped around her girlfriend flashed before her eyes. Moans and glistening bodies. Her heart breaking. She could fix it. She could fix them.

Friends for all their childhood, a couple all of their adult life.

They were meant to be forever. She could never let Sakura go. Sakura was her soulmate and without her Ino would wither like a flower. Sakura was her water, everything Ino needed to survive. It was going to be them forever. She would work on forgiving Sakura. She would work on trusting her.

Living like this. With this gap between them. It was better than living without. Anything but without. Ino could not live without Sakura. So she would let her heart break again and again if it meant that she would have Sakura there.

Without Sakura there was no Ino.

They would pick up where they left off before Sakura's indiscretion and they would be as before. They could move on together. They could fix this. They were one. They couldn't split.

They were one, but Ino felt like she was splitting in two. She had to stick together. She couldn't let herself crumble. She would be a better girlfriend. She would make sure that Sakura wouldn't need Sasuke.

Ino started unbuttoning her shirt. She could give Sakura what Sasuke was giving her. She could do it better. If Sakura needed to sleep with Sasuke, Ino wasn't doing her job right. She wasn't good enough for her. She would please Sakura. Show her that she could have everything with Ino.

"What are you doing?"

Sakura's voice was shaking. Ino's eyes were puffy and her face gleaming with tears. Sakura hadn't realized how tired her ears where of crying and screaming before Ino snuffled a few times.

"Sakura, everything he gives you, I can give you. If you just let me."

Her voice was so confident. She had done a real good job convincing herself that this was just about sex. That she didn't fulfill Sakura's needs. That it was just sex alone that Sakura craved. That her affair had nothing to do with him. That he was just a pawn to fulfill Sakura's sexual needs.

A chill ran down the whole of Sakura's body. She needed to end this. Ino was throwing herself at her. Willing to use her body to keep her. Ino was heartbroken. Sakura knew Ino more than enough to know that sex was the least thing on Ino's mind. Maybe sex with him was on her mind.

Being caught had almost felt good. Did it feel better than the after match? No.

"Ino, we can't do this."

She stopped, had gotten her shirt off. Her hands were at the zipper of her jeans, ready to remove them as well. Ino was committed to her plan. That she didn't have enough sex with Sakura, that she didn't put out enough. It was her mistake, it was her fault.

Ino's hair fell in front of her face as she had bent over to open her skinny jeans. She let herself fall to her knees sobbing, folding triple as she let her bottom touch her legs.

"What does he do that I can't?"

The first part was hardly incoherent and the last was lost to Sakura. She wanted to be honest with Ino about the face that it was equally the fact that it was an affair that got her going. She couldn't do that. It was her secret. Her darkest secret. She wanted to let her know, to ease her pain. She couldn't. She already hated herself for it, she couldn't make Ino hate her too.

"IS IT BECAUSE HE HAS A DICK?!"

Ino was looking up at Sakura as she repeated what Sakura had missed. The scream sounded sore and for the first time since they had started arguing Sakura looked at Ino. Ino had looked up without moving her torso, she looked so hurt and broken. Her hands hugging her knees, and Sakura realized she had done that, and she kept doing this.

Ino had been her best friend. Her lover. Her soulmate.

She wasn't supposed to do this. They kept doing this because neither could afford to lose each other. They both knew.

"It's over between us Ino, you can't change my mind this time. We can't keep doing this!"

Sakura almost ran out the door of her apartment. She had to. She couldn't let Ino respond. She couldn't let her convince her again. They were over. They needed to be over. She couldn't keep doing this to Ino. So she would go to him for the night. She would put an end to their circle. They both deserved better.

When she closed the door behind her they both knew. They both knew.

They could never go back.

Not to the love they had.

Not to the friendship they had.

They could never go back.


End file.
